Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
