During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
