I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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