i permit you to call me
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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