I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
