weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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