you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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