Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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