Umm I'm too high to move.
That's intense
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I looked at my own cervix.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
