I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
