..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize