oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
