I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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