I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
