Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
