eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
