I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
