he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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