On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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