Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
