Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
