So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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