idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
