I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
