I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
