the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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