she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
