My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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