u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
