I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
