don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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