i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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