Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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