i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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