You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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