Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
im six kinds of drunk right now
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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