I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
