the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
