matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my phone needs a breathalizer
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
