i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
