I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
