I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
