I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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