I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
