im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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