ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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