I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
