You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you didnt know i had herpes?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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