Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
