He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
