I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
im holly from the hills drunk
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
