yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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