is wine microwaveable?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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