I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
