you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Still dying that you shit outside
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
