Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
