i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
