Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
