how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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