dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There's always time for handjobs
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
