I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize