Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
