I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
