I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Screwed.edu
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize