i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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