i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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